Month: March 2017
I love my children and when I think of all the trips we have taken over the years I have so many wonderful memories. I will always treasure those times, but I know I have forgotten how much work it was to get everything and everyone lined up, to get everyone packed, to find activities that all three children would like, and the list goes on. Maybe some memories are better forgotten!
Being newly single and in my sixties, I was apprehensive about what travel would look like for me moving forward. Let me just say, and pay attention here, IT IS GREAT! I can’t stop making plans for travel now; I enjoy it so much. When I traveled with my husband the room was a mess, he had to have the side closest to the bathroom and a game was on the TV before I could even take my shoes off. He packed more clothes than I did and you can guess who was in the middle seat on the plane. All very trivial, of course, and nothing to fight over.
But, now that I am often traveling alone, my room is so peaceful and lovely and not messy. I might not even turn on the TV. That’s right! What a rebel. Of course, I’m joking, and I would much rather be in a happy marriage and taking trips with my husband than have a clean hotel room. This is me looking on the bright side.
A bi-product of my new, single status has been that my adult children have somehow made more time to travel with me. I have no doubt that they don’t like to see me traveling alone all the time and I could just kiss them all over for that.
And, somehow I have passed the planning baton off to them and they have picked it up without missing a beat. They are all excellent at finding activities, restaurants, things of interest, transportation. I get to just go along for the ride and I always pay so they will keep coming back for more! I just returned from an extended trip with my daughter, and I loved every minute of it. She made all the plans, and I was her happy passenger. She looked at the map, and I followed her lead. It’s was the best.
Because my adult children live in Boston, Chicago and Los Angeles, getting everyone together at one time is nearly impossible, but when we do travel together, I get to experience them as they are as adults, together. I am intrigued by their interactions with each other, and with me, as they are now, rather than as they were when they lived at home. Taking trips together creates a level playing field where their old roles vanish and we all get to know each other in a different way. I can’t say enough good things about it.
Read MoreI like to try new things. I always have. Especially if it is something that I am not good at. I was afraid of motorcycles so I took the classes. Why they passed me I will never know. When I went to buy a motorcycle I knew there was no way that I could drive it home. I had to have it delivered. They told me I was not the first person to do that, thank heavens. I bought all the motorcycle clothes and my fancy helmet and drove it maybe 20 miles over 2 years and donated it to Goodwill. I was still scared of it. I guess I thought my husband would get interested in it and join me. I saw us on long drives in the Hocking Hills on a beautiful Sunday. He saw me doing that while he did anything else. Lesson learned.
I had never had one accounting class and I felt that I was lacking because of it. I took accounting, online. About chapter 3 I figured out why I hadn’t studied accounting. I hated it. When I looked at the pages in the book my eyes crossed. I kept trying to get interested and I just couldn’t do it. I am all about girls in math and science, but sadly, no matter how cool I think it is, I am not one of them. Lesson learned.
So when it became clear that my husband found women who were nothing like me more attractive, I decided to be someone else. I decided that I could own restaurants. Well, I could, that was true, but I hated every day of it and I was terrible at it. In my mind I saw it going so differently and I thought it might bring us closer together. I thought he might become more interested in me. I thought we might be able to solve problems together, go over ideas together. You know, like a real husband and wife. I could not have been more wrong. Lesson learned.
I can name a hundred other times when I wanted to be good at something and was sure that I could do it, only to find that I couldn’t make myself good at it. I could not force myself to learn it or practice it or use it. I don’t think that I am not smart enough, or coordinated enough or that I don’t have a strong skill set. I am just better at some things than I am at others, and as I start my life over, I don’t think I have to change that. When I was married I was trying to be everything that I wasn’t, because clearly, I wasn’t enough. So I tried to be everything and was so miserable.
Now, I know my lane. That doesn’t mean I always have to stay in my lane, but I am becoming crystal clear on what I am good at, what I am interested in and what I like to spend my time doing. I used to say yes to everything. I was on committees that I dreaded. I was in organizations that were not of any interest, just to be in them. I did things socially that I really didn’t enjoy. Now I am done with all of that. Done done done. No more. Every day isn’t a picnic, but I know my lane. I know who I am. And, lots of things that I like to do are nerdy, but that’s me.
Get to know who you are. Get to know your lane. Again, it doesn’t mean you can’t try new things, but it does mean that you will be more mindful when you do. And, you will be more content and more at peace.
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