Embracing Change
Repost from 2/18/2016
If you know what “a TV dinner for Valentine’s Day,” is, then you are my age or older!
I was in a bad mood just thinking about it…Valentine’s Day. It has probably been forty years since I had no Valentine in my life. I was ready for a meltdown. Ready to cry myself to sleep on the night before and after. Ready to break out the Gin. But much to my surprise, nothing happened. I survived Valentine’s Day alone.
Now, I have plenty of sadness about my thirty-year marriage coming to an end. And as I watched loving couples walk hand-in-hand into the restaurants nearby I was envious. But my reality is and was very different. My marriage was very much about how things looked from the outside. It was all a big pile of going-through-the-motions.
Who knew how great Valentine’s Day could be. It was below zero outside, so I settled in for the weekend. Saturday night I watched The Devil Wears Prada, only one of the finest motion pictures ever made. I watched SNL with Melissa McCarthy. Sunday, I decided to start watching Empire by recommendation of my son, Ryan. I plopped myself down in front of the TV, grabbed my computer for some tax work and got down to business. I got to episode 5! The taxes still need work. Did some homework for my accounting class and cleaned out my emails. I then moved on to RHOA, Downton Abbey, and KUWTK. To lighten things up I binge watched The Mindy Project and Veep. So productive and so pop culture all at the same time. My eyes are a little dry but I powered through!
I had no idea Valentine’s Day could be so fun and I can’t wait until next year when I plan on adding in some hot chocolate!
Read MoreRepost from 4/29/2020
I spoke to a group of women several months ago about confidence. The group was composed of women over fifty, some single and some not. About halfway through the discussion, I realized that my talk was not resonating with the whole group. It was falling flat. I could see some faces glazing over, and I learned a valuable lesson that night.
When I speak with other single women about confidence, they are all ears. We single women 50+ know that confidence can often be lacking in our lives. But, I think it’s not as critical for our married counterparts. Hmm.
There are lots of reasons for a lack of confidence that we share with our married sisters: our parts are all starting to break down a little and we all sometimes feel invisible. But, when I became single after 32 years of marriage, I realized that there was one confidence buster that I didn’t even know existed. Entering every room alone. That’s it for me. 100% of the time entering the room alone.
Seems silly doesn’t it. But it’s true and it’s there always. I’m not talking about grocery stores and gyms, of course. I know how to do that. But here is a shortlist of the places that I might walk into alone often: church, weddings, restaurants, funerals, movies, sporting events (well not really), concerts, graduations. Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone. And that can easily eat away at confidence.
Close your eyes and think about yourself when you were a young woman for a minute. Remember when you felt like you owned the room? Like you were vital to what was happening? Like everyone would want you to sit with them? I try to muster up that feeling sometimes now to fool myself into confidence.
The most important trick you can use as you spend your life walking into everywhere alone is planning. I know you hear me talk about planning all the time, but it really helps settle your nerves if you are heading into uncharted territory (let’s say you are fearful that you will run into your former husband at a graduation party).
Make a Plan
Make a plan to meet a friend or colleague at your destination. Ask a friend to save you a seat and try to get there after you think she will have arrived. It gives you someone to look for rather than having a deer-in-the-headlights expression on your face.
Walk With Purpose
When I am going into a crowded restaurant or bar and I feel a little uncomfortable about it, I just head in like I am the most important person in the room. Head held high, walking with a purpose, looking like I know right where I’m going, even if I head right to the Ladies Room. I put on my “I am so important and busy,” posture and no one is the wiser. I might be scared to death but if I walk with purpose I don’t look it.
Laugh at Your Phone
For so many reasons our cell phone is our friend, but never so much so as when we need to look very busy or very important or very popular. I will admit that I have, on more than one occasion, looked at my texts and laughed out loud at absolutely nothing, just to appear that I am very much in demand. I hope I fool at least one person.
What are your tricks to looking confident when you are not? We can all learn from each other and grow more confident. I can’t wait to hear from you.
Read MoreRepost from October 28, 2020
When you look down the road at your life, do you see yourself coasting into the finish line? Or, do you see yourself riding on a stagecoach with arms and legs flailing around your head, hat flying off and wind whipping your hair around your face? And, which vision do you like? Do you see living the rest of your life on a cushion or do you look at your life as an adventure?
If, when you think of the future, you see a life in which you put the brakes on way too soon, don’t worry. You still have time to re-invigorate your life and make it an adventure rather than a snooze fest. All it takes is the desire to turn things around. That’s it. You can start today!
Think Big or Small, It Doesn’t Matter
If you want some adventure in your life, it doesn’t have to be an African Safari. It can be anything that challenges you: whether it is a bike tour through your town or learning Salsa. You can decide to learn to use a chainsaw if that is adventurous to you. The adventure isn’t important, it is the rush that it gives you that makes the difference. It is the confidence that you feel when you reach and achieve.
Single Travel
Traveling alone sounds horrific to many women I know, but there are so many options that I promise that you will find one that works for you, if that’s what you’re looking for. Whether it is in a group or you are ready to go it alone, there are many travel agencies that specialize in both single travel and senior travel, so you are covered. There are tons of volunteer opportunities that take you around the world, if that is part of your mission, to help others. Solo travel may sound daunting, but it can be rewarding and you may meet some new friends along the way.
Learning Can Be an Adventure
Adventure can be many things to many people. It doesn’t have to mean off-roading to your yurt on a cliff side. Or riding an ostrich. Adventure might be taking a cooking class in a foreign country. I think that is adventurous. Riding in a hot air balloon is adventurous to me. Riding a bike in New York seems like a pretty big adventure in my mind. Your adventure is your adventure.
The moral of this story is this: if you are over 50 and single and looking ahead to book clubs and Pilates as the highlights of your lives, you have a long road ahead. Do not give up this early in the game. Refuse to make yourself uninteresting and do not be uninterested because if you aren’t interested in life now when can you be?
This is not a dress rehearsal. Live your life with adventure in mind.
Read MoreThe holidays are in our rearview mirrors: decorations are down and all the trash has been picked up. Kids are all back into their routines where ever they may be and this was the first weekend of the new year. I was looking so forward to having the weekend all to myself and getting my place back into working order, and I did. That’s done! While I needed the break and the time and the order to my life, tonight I am keenly aware that it is time to get back to my social self or I will easily slip into way too many binge-watching nights and iced cappuccinos and isolation. I want you to make sure to stay social in the winter.
I know, I know, I know that it’s really hard to push through during the cold and the dark of winter and the allure of hot chocolate on the warm, cozy couch with a blanket is so inviting. But it can be dangerous for us single women. Loneliness, isolation and depression can creep into the room and sit down right next to you without you even noticing. And, that is a hard place to crawl out of if you get in too deep.
So, get to work! This week if you don’t have plans, make them. If you do have plans, good for you. Want to see a movie? Go. Even if you go alone you will be around other people rather than entering into a discussion about the Golden Globes at home with your cat. Go anywhere you can to be among the living.
Let me tell you about a change that I am making to improve my life and you may recognize yourself in how I was feeling. If so, I hope this will give you a seed of an idea. I have many, many interests: I write, read, knit, workout, cycle. I work outside the home. I am taking piano lessons. I take Spanish. I love to try and learn new things. But, the truth is that everything I do, I do alone. I am in sales (you’re on your own in sales!). I read alone, knit alone, I write alone, piano and guitar are one-woman sports. I work out alone and cycle alone. Get the picture?
What I see in myself is a very busy woman who does so much on her own. So, to add more people to my life I am taking up Pickleball. Surely I can do that, right? My plan is to enjoy a new sport and experience camaraderie as well. I’ll keep you posted.
The moral of this story is this: it’s up to you to make the winter better. Don’t let yourself go down the rabbit hole of hibernation because as a single woman you can become lonely very quickly and that is not a good place to be.
Ladies, kick-off the new year strong!
Read MoreRepost from 1/4/2016
Even though we all make resolutions for the new year ahead, I have always felt that the new year starts the first Monday after the holidays. It’s when all kids are back in school, and everyone gets back to the routine of work and daily life. So, on the Sunday before the Monday I was busy making lists, doing laundry, cleaning out the refrigerator and getting ready for all the good things that are coming my way in 2016. Then, I overslept this morning by two hours. Not 15 minutes but two hours! Is that an omen for the upcoming year that I am so sure is going to be spectacular? Am I going to sleep through this year and be making the same resolutions next year? No! No! No! It is all happening this year. Why? Because 2016 is the year of Paula, that’s why.
I have decided that rather than look at all the changes I want to make right now, I am going to look at what my life will look like on December 31, 2016. Her we go.
I will be thin, needless to say. Oprah and I will be thin as thin can be by the end of next year. While, I have not signed up for her Weight Watchers, I am very inspired by her commercials on TV and I know that’s all it will take to get me on the right path. So far today I am on a strict diet of frozen grapes and Genoa Salami. Baby steps. As I lose weight, the evidence of all the hard work I have put in at the gym will become evident. I will be stunning and an inspiration as well, no other way to put it.
My employment will be super lucrative, and I will be in demand. Maybe it will be my very popular blog that read by hundreds of thousands of women and is under consideration for an on demand sitcom. While I am busy with the blog, I will also be working with a partner on our social media company. And, my idea for another business services organization will take off and have me traveling quite a bit, to cities I have never visited. My life will be super glam.
I will have invested a small amount of money in women-owned businesses. I will have donated my time and money to a few local causes that I support. For me, that is the best feeling in the world.
Love…I will be in it. I might be in love with one person or with several, and they will be in love with me, too. It goes without saying that many men will be in love with me. After all, I am hot and thin and making big bucks, and I look like what 60 should be. ..awesome.
Since I will qualify as a senior citizen, I will be taking free classes offered by local universities to improve myself. By next year, I will be well schooled in new interests to expand my mind and make me just that much more attractive.
And, I will be cooking more. And I will have knitted several sweaters. And I will be sewing. And I will be riding a motor scooter. I will have long hair, and it will look great.
That is where I will be when the New Year 2017 comes around. Can’t wait!
Paula
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