I have written about dating sites for us long-in-the-tooth girls before, but I wanted to revisit that topic at the beginning of a new year and I added some abbreviations that you will want to keep in mind as you move forward in the dating world.
I have been married for the last million years, so when I found myself single and in my sixties, I realized that I would have to approach dating differently. As much as I have heard about online dating, it was completely foreign to me. I just dabbed my toe in the online dating pond and found that I had to be bilingual: I had to speak English and Dating Code (by the way, I’m sure that bilingual means something different online, but I couldn’t think of any other way to say it).
The first thing I noticed when I went to my first dating site was that men take very little time and put nearly no effort into the photos that they post. Do they just know that there are more women than men out there looking so they can come to the table, metaphorically speaking, with their belts unbuckled and their boxers showing? Really, have some self-respect, you guys! Here are a few things not to post:
1. Anything that is blurry. Why do men post out of focus photos? Can’t see? Just take another one. Unless you’re saving “film” or are trying to hide your identity because you are in the witness protection program, post a photograph that is in focus.
2. The picture that you took of yourself in your bathroom. Every single man with an online profile posts a photo of himself looking in the bathroom mirror. Men, this type of selfie never ends well. It just doesn’t. The focus is seldom clear, you are looking into the camera which is usually down around the belt and the flash shows up in the photo. While taking the photo you appear to be looking at your package. Because of the degree of difficulty with this complicated treatment, I have never seen one man smiling when he has posted a bathroom selfie.
3. I do not want to see a photo of your motorcycle. I know what a motorcycle looks like.
4. I do not want to see a photo of you in the seventies. It makes it clear that you peaked early.
5. If you are taking a selfie, reclining in your Barco-lounger tells me that most of your time is spent in that position in front of the TV. It may be true, but ease me into that.
6. And please, please, please do not post a photo of your abs. Leave something to our imaginations. We can see that you are in shape or not with your clothes on.
While the photos are completely self-explanatory, you either like what you see or you don’t, the acronyms used in the online dating world might need a little clarification. Most of us know that SWF means Single White Female, and BBW means Big Beautiful Woman, there are a few acronyms that have a different meaning to those of us over a certain age. Here’s some help:
D/D Free: This means drug and disease free. Important when you are young. However, only dating someone drug and disease free will narrow the pool considerably. There isn’t a man in my age group who isn’t on Lipitor, Coumadin, Pantoprazole, or Insulin. And disease free? Just try to meet a man without diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, or COPD.
FWB: This may be the most important acronym of them all. It means Friends with Benefits. However, say the word benefits to anyone over sixty and you are talking money, not sex. I would marry a man who was a friend, in order to get his benefits (Not really. Just making a point!). Benefits are never more important than when you are in your later years, so don’t even mention benefits unless you are ready to ante up.
MBA: This means Married but Available. Translation, married but asshole! Say no more.
DTE: Down to Earth. Well, I hope you are down to earth! What kind of man is full of himself at 70? There isn’t much time before you are six feet under the earth so get with it.
W: According to an online dating slang dictionary, this has two meanings White or Widowed. I don’t care if you are white, and I don’t care if you are widowed, but I would like to know which one you are and this is a little too open-ended for me. White and Widowed are not interchangeable.
GSOH: Good Sense of Humor. It scares me a little when a man above sixty says that he has a good sense of humor. I feel like it might be a “pull my finger” kind of sense of humor. Just tell me you are funny or tell me you like funny people.
MM: It’s not the candy so who cares what it means.
Good luck with all of this. It’s not easy but it is never dull!