dating
As a single woman, you might be in the mood for a date or two, now that you’ve been at home forever. Are you wondering how you can manage dating and social distancing at the same time. I am. I’m ready to be a little more social and have a little less distancing! How can I do that and stay safe?
During my time at home, I missed social interaction, mostly with my close friends and with my children, of course. But, I also missed the opportunity to meet someone who I might like to go out to dinner with or even a movie. Ha! Movies! Remember those? Here are some suggestions for dating during social distancing.
Take a Hike Buddy!
Not really. But you can take a walk and maintain your 6-foot distance and chat for an hour or two. It’s actually a really nice way to get to know someone. You get your exercise, you maintain your distance and you figure out whether this is someone you want to spend time with again.
Pack a Picnic
Again, you can meet for a little charcuterie and a beverage and still keep your distance. It works pretty well. Plus, I think it shows that you are willing to put a little effort into getting together. It can also show you whether this man is game for an adventure. If not, why bother? You can stay a proper distance apart and enjoy the evening or afternoon.
Zoom
I know you can hardly stand one more Zoom call. If you’re like me, there have been days when it seemed like all I did was Zoom. Who’s Zoomin’ Who (as the Pointer Sisters sang)? We all know now, there’s nothing perfect about a tele-visit. But, it is better than just another phone call and you can see who you are talking to and get a feeling about that person’s demeanor, personality, etc.
Is it even worth the trouble? That’s up to you, but since we have been locked down for so long, it feels good to meet someone new and get to know him. It adds a little excitement to life.
More important than “pre-screening” is what you can learn about a man by meeting him when times aren’t perfect. It’s true. If he’s a guy who expects you to come to his place for dinner right away, he’s not for you. He’s not following distancing rules and I don’t know about you but that’s a deal breaker. At least at first.
Is He Sponge Worthy?
Remember when Elaine on Seinfeld was rationing her sponge contraceptives because she heard they were going off the market? That’s how I would decide if a man is worthy of becoming part of your “quaranteam.” At some point, if you really like someone and he you, you will just have to decide whether he is “sponge worthy,” whether you can trust him to be part of your quarantine world. You will know when you are comfortable. And, if a man doesn’t want to be careful with you, he’s not “sponge worthy!”
Read MoreRepost from 2/18/2016
If you know what “a TV dinner for Valentine’s Day,” is, then you are my age or older!
I was in a bad mood just thinking about it…Valentine’s Day. It has probably been forty years since I had no Valentine in my life. I was ready for a meltdown. Ready to cry myself to sleep on the night before and after. Ready to break out the Gin. But much to my surprise, nothing happened. I survived Valentine’s Day alone.
Now, I have plenty of sadness about my thirty-year marriage coming to an end. And as I watched loving couples walk hand-in-hand into the restaurants nearby I was envious. But my reality is and was very different. My marriage was very much about how things looked from the outside. It was all a big pile of going-through-the-motions.
Who knew how great Valentine’s Day could be. It was below zero outside, so I settled in for the weekend. Saturday night I watched The Devil Wears Prada, only one of the finest motion pictures ever made. I watched SNL with Melissa McCarthy. Sunday, I decided to start watching Empire by recommendation of my son, Ryan. I plopped myself down in front of the TV, grabbed my computer for some tax work and got down to business. I got to episode 5! The taxes still need work. Did some homework for my accounting class and cleaned out my emails. I then moved on to RHOA, Downton Abbey, and KUWTK. To lighten things up I binge watched The Mindy Project and Veep. So productive and so pop culture all at the same time. My eyes are a little dry but I powered through!
I had no idea Valentine’s Day could be so fun and I can’t wait until next year when I plan on adding in some hot chocolate!
Read MoreAre you ready for some science and dating? In the last couple of weeks, I have come to follow a man who professes to have many of the answers when it comes to dating: I can always use a little help. Today’s email took me to this New York Times article that chronicles the author’s use of 36 questions on a date. I found her experience not only interesting but it would appear that it might have been a successful one, too.
She followed the findings of Dr. Arthur Aron and she and her date decided to take on Dr. Aron’s 36 questions. I don’t need to dissect the article and Dr. Aron’s questions, you can do that yourself, but, it looks like it isn’t a task for the faint of heart: it is a pretty extensive undertaking. I’m not saying it’s a chore, rather an investment of time into a possible relationship.
As I read the questions and imagined what it would be like to do the exercise with someone across the table, I groaned a little inside. Then I thought about whether or not a relationship is worth the time and the answer is, of course, yes. Even more worthwhile in my mind, is finding out that a relationship isn’t in the cards.
Take a look at the New York Times article then look over Dr. Aron’s questions and see what you think. The technique isn’t for everyone, but I might give it a try if I am in a position in which I need some clarity.
Let me know what you think about Dr. Aron’s method. Do you have any rituals that you go through to see if someone is right for you or if you should hit the road? Is Dr. Aron’s exercise something that you would be willing to try? Good luck with finding love if love is, in fact, what you are looking for.
Read MoreWould you want to spend time with… you? That’s a strange question, isn’t it? But I’m serious. The way you present yourself when you sit down for coffee at the local coffee shop or the way you introduce yourself to a possible love interest; would you look forward to hearing what you had to say? Let’s look at this.
I spend time with lots of single women over sixty and one thing I can tell you about us women, single or married, is that as we age, we get a little grouchy (the same goes for men but I don’t care about them right now). Let tell you the things we gripe about immediately when we sit down to a table of, well, anyone who will listen: the weather, the heat, the sore ankle (knee, hip, elbow, foot, shoulder, wrist, neck), what’s on the menu that causes gas, bloating, heartburn, acid reflux, diarrhea, constipation, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammation of anything, swelling of anything, insomnia, and general pain. And, we can’t stay too late because we have to get home before dark because we can’t see to drive in the dark. The humidity makes my hair frizzy. The humidity makes my hair flat. The humidity makes my feel swell. I can’t sit here at this high top because it hearts my knees. The air conditioning is blowing on my neck. It’s too cold. It’s too hot in here.
This is all before the first glass of water has been served! You think I’m kidding: I am not. I have heard every one of these complaints when women have just arrived at the table to sit down. Who wouldn’t to spend time with that? I wouldn’t. I don’t. I don’t want to spend time with that woman and I don’t want to invite her to another opportunity to waste my time with her moaning! I just don’t.
Here’s the thing, most women who hit the ground running with this dialogue don’t even know they are doing it. They just moan on and on and wonder why their phones aren’t ringing off the hook (that’s an old fashioned expression, isn’t it?) with invitations to more get togethers. Well, wonder no more, it’s because that’s not fun to be around. That isn’t happy one bit. And, why would I want to be around that again?
Guess what, everything we just said as we strolled up to the table is true. Everything does hurt and it is hot outside and our hair is a collective mess, but, no one wants to hear that. No one cares, at least no one cares right off the bat.
I don’t want to talk to that woman and neither do you and neither do any men who she is considering for a relationship. And, I am not saying we have to be fake. That’s not the message either. Here is the message: if you want to continue to be social and active, if you want people to invite you to join them for various outings, if you want to be asked on a date, you need to present yourself in a way that makes them want you around.
I am working in my Sisters Program on this very topic and I am working with a couple of clients in the WingWoman program on the same. I think it is making a difference in how these woman are being perceived and will continue to make a difference as they work on creating m ore and more relationships.
In order to remain socially active, we must each put our best foot forward. We must be women who others enjoy spending time with and with whom others want to engage.
So, for the rest of the month and into September I am going to be focusing on how we want to present ourselves to others and what we can do, how we can reframe our conversation, to make others want to spend more and more time with us. So, I go back to my original question: would you want to spend time with…you?
Read MoreLast week I talked to you about changing your attitude about
I had a date with a man I met online and we were scheduled to meet at a bar for Happy Hour in a shopping district. I can’t remember why I did this, but I took Uber there (something that became very helpful later). He was very nice, but as we talked for a while his politics became an issue: he was very committed to his extreme beliefs and they were not mine: we were not on the same side of the aisle. By the time this all came to light, we were on our second cocktail. My date got up to go to the restroom and I decided to tie this evening up into a nice little bow and call it a day.
I handed our server my
When I got home I had a message from him asking if he might see me again and I thanked him but said no. I can’t tell you that I had this plan all mapped out because I didn’t, but I did actually use it again, and again, it worked nicely.
Here’s what I liked about it: it was respectful and generous, and those are two qualities that I hope I have. First, while the bill was very inexpensive, it didn’t appear that I was taking advantage of my date by expecting that he pay the bill. Quite the contrary, I took care of it. I think that’s generous. And, for all I knew, he may not have been very excited about our date either, but since I knew we wouldn’t see each other again, I took the lead and paid the check. I think that’s respectful.
The other piece of the story is that by taking Uber I didn’t have to worry about him walking me to my car and the awkwardness that always follows. And, once I made the call, my deadline was set, the car was on it’s way.
Use this if you will. Or let me know if you have any tricks up your sleeve that have worked for you on an uncomfortable date. We’re all in this together!
Good luck!
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