One night about four years ago I was absolutely miserable. That’s it, just pure misery from head to toe. I had left my husband after more than 30 years of marriage, it was below zero outside and I was as lonely as I could be. I sat on my sofa and just started typing about those feelings and as I did, the words came pouring out of my fingertips. That really is how it felt. That’s how Starting OVer at Sixty was born.
Since that time I have loved writing about what being single and over sixty is like for me; the good, the bad and the ugly. Some of my posts have been written from the edge, for sure, and some have been offered with great enthusiasm. Sometimes the world has been my oyster and other times I was sure the sky was falling: many of you were right there with me from the comments.
Since that time my life has changed a hundred times: good, bad, good, sideways, bad, backward, good, bad and back to neutral. Sound familiar? When I write to you I always try to be open and honest. I want you to feel like you’re listening to a friend when you read Starting Over at Sixty.
Recently a friend let me know that she went back to the beginning of Starting Over at Sixty and read forward: she commented on how she felt like it reflected where I was then and where I am now and the evolution that it represents. Yay for that!
So, no matter where you are as a single woman over sixty, I hope you get encouragement from the site. Go back and “find” yourself in the archives: chances are if you’re feeling it, you will find a post about it.
And, thank you. Thank you for following Starting Over at Sixty over these last four years. You will continue to read about the highs and lows of being single in this phase of life, and again, the good and the bad. There is so much for us to look forward to and so much yet to discover so let’s do it together!
As always, please let me know if there is something you would like to see in Starting Over at Sixty. I want you to feel like this is home, a place to find community. I may be the creator of the site, but you are where the communication occurs.
Stay safe and stay healthy!
Read MoreRepost from 8/1/2016
One year ago, my husband pulled out of the driveway to go to work, I picked up a truck, packed everything I had room to take with me, and moved out. I was gone by the time he got home. His only text to me was, “Where should I forward your mail?”
I had lived with a stomach ache for a year prior to that. When he refused to sleep somewhere else, I moved to another room. When he refused to leave the house, I knew that it would be me who would have to make the move. It took me quite a while to get used to that idea, but once I did, I was determined to change my life. I still wake up with a stomach ache here and there, but I can handle that.
Most often, I wake up happy. I love my life. I sure didn’t think I would be here at sixty, but now I can’t believe I lived the way I did for so long. I think the biggest change that I have found in myself over the past year has been that I am actually smart. I am actually a nice person. That I actually have value at my age and there are some people who really like me. I am proud of who I am and where I am going. I’m all “Woman Hear Me Roar” about myself and I like it. Now, I may wake up tomorrow and have a big sobfest, but for now…I am happy.
One of my sons wrote me a note a few months ago telling me how proud he is of what I have accomplished in the past year and it shocked me. I really didn’t know that the kids saw that when they look at me. I thought they just saw a Mom who cries when they get here to visit and cries when they leave. The Mom they have to talk to at least once a week. Now…the pressure is on and I love it.
Read MoreRepost from 3/8/2016
It has been clear to me for a long time that I am not the same girl I used to be. I changed along the way, and I didn’t know if I was coming back.
I always felt that I was kind of fun to be around. And, I certainly thought my husband would agree. But, from the start of our marriage, I was, apparently, mistaken. I felt like “the old ball and chain,” and I knew that wasn’t me. But I must have been…right? Why else would he treat me that way?
So I would try harder and harder and harder. And, by the time I realized that I had built a fortress around myself to protect me from the heartache, the old Paula was long gone. I knew what would fix it, but I couldn’t do it.
I used to have a saying, “for a better marriage, just lower your expectations.” It worked for me but is so sad.
I can say without hesitation, I was enough. Our family was enough. Our family should have been the focus, not a distraction.
I can breathe now. While I am so sad that my marriage didn’t make it, it makes me happy to know that my children will get to know the real Mom all over again. I think they will be surprised at the me that they didn’t know existed. The happy, light-hearted, fun person who had been buried under the weight of an unhappy marriage and all the sadness that came along with that. They will get to know Paula, not just Mom. Can’t wait for that to happen.
Three years ago I ran away from home: I moved out of the home that I shared with my husband before he returned from work at 6 p.m. I moved into a one-room industrial loft, the one in the photo here, that I absolutely loved. The apartment felt small and safe. It was the one little place where I could hide from the world while my marriage was crumbling.
Last Saturday I took a giant step in building a happy life for myself again: I moved again. I now own my own condo (well, of course, the bank owns my condo!). I have lots of space and a wonderful view, two stories and the biggest closet I have ever owned (I will post some pictures when the boxes are unpacked)! And, while it is filled to the brim with boxes right now, it represents a new beginning for me; a new, happy chapter filled with hope and success and family and friends. “All that, just from changing your address,” you might ask. Yes! Yes! Yes! When I moved to my loft, I felt that it was important for it to look like home for my adult children. I wanted them to know that no matter where I lived, it would be their home. It might have been just one room, but it was their home. And that’s what it was, their home.
Now, while this is still their home, it is my home, it is me. My new place is not a miniature replica of my married life: it is a home for a single woman over 60 who has a full, exciting life. It is a place where I can entertain, where my children can sleep in separate rooms when they visit (rather than all in one room) and it is a place where I can really start my life over. There is nothing about it that screams, “I am a sad, sad woman who is having to pick up the pieces of her failed marriage and trudge through life.” Instead, I feel like it says, “Paula has overcome a mountain of obstacles and look at her now!”
So, I am launching a test program for Starting Over at Sixty followers designed to build community among women who are 50+ and single and want to live the fullest lives possible. I mention it here because the focus of the group will be how to take steps forward in order to live a life on the outside the way you feel on the inside: vibrant, vital and relevant. I want you to live in alignment! I hope you will join other women who support each other through this chapter of life. Please register here. This test group is 100% free and launches August 1, 2018. I can’t wait to get started!
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