holidays
The holidays are here: yippee! But, holidays can present tough times for single women. We are surrounded by images of family and joy and the wonder of the season. Visions of people opening gifts, sharing meals and hugging loved ones are all over the tube. Many of us, as single women over fifty, may be feeling left out. I sometimes feel like my chair at the table is an addition: it used to be my table. Well, all of those feelings are valid and all may be true. But, if you let yourself crumble under the weight of those negative feelings, if you let them take over, you’re sunk.
Let’s not let that happen. Right here we are going to kick loneliness and sadness during the holidays to the curb. Let’s get started.
- Plan, plan, plan: Planning is everything when you are trying to eliminate loneliness any time, but especially during the holidays. Take a look ahead and pinpoint those times that are going to be dicey. That might be New Year’s Eve, Christmas morning, Christmas Eve: a time when you will be alone and missing loved ones or those who have passed or those who are far away. For me, that is always the time when my adult children are with their father, family time that no longer includes me. I hate it and I make sure to have plans for that time so I am not sitting at home being a sadsack. I go to a movie, get together with friends or get busy cooking for my family time.
- Volunteer: So many people receive volunteer services all year long and those volunteers need a break during the holidays. You can fill in. Nothing uplifts your spirits more than helping others. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than helping others. Nothing fills your heart with joy more than helping others. There are endless opportunities for volunteerism year-round and, of course, during the holidays.
- Invite friends to your place: I have no doubt that you have friends who have “gaps” in their holiday celebrations. Invite them to your home for a cocktail or coffee and dessert. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but there are others who would love an invite and that can come from you. You will feel great getting to share your home with others and they will greatly appreciate it. They are part of your extended “family.”
- Say yes to invitations: We often say no to invitations because we are too tired or overloaded during the holidays. Stop that! You can rest in January. Take advantage of every opportunity to be with others over these next few weeks. This is the time to be social and connected in order to stave off loneliness.
- Invite yourself: That sounds crazy, right? Far from it! Don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t be too proud, be proactive. You will find that others are happy for you to join them.
Now, I don’t know anyone who likes New Year’s Eve. Not one person. For me, it always feels melancholy. And it may be. But, whatever you do, spend it doing something you love, whether you are alone or with friends or family. Be in a place, mindfully, of peace, whatever that looks like for you, as you welcome the new year with anticipation.
Happy Holidays!
Read MoreHere we go: the holidays are here and those holidays offer a mixed bag of emotions for all of us, no matter what our marital status. But, if you are 50+ and single, you may not see a Norman Rockwell painting when you look ahead at what’s coming. So what can you do about that? How can you make the next six weeks happier and less ominous? One word, plan. Plan, plan, plan. That way you can prepare yourself for the potholes in the road ahead and try to avoid them. You have seen these ideas here before at Starting Over at Sixty, but they can’t be overstated: you must plan your holidays so you can stay out of the darkness that can take over when you get loneliness creeps in.
Are you going to be alone on Thanksgiving? First, remember that not all family affairs are perfect. When I was a kid, I thought everyone in the universe was at a dinner table having the time of their lives on Thanksgiving: family, food and fun. I was an only child and so it was just the three of us. That was not what I thought Thanksgiving should look like. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that not all big, family Thanksgivings are anywhere near perfect, but we do romanticize the day. That being said, many of us have that perfect vision, and when we are left out of it, our hearts are a little broken. So, what can you plan for on Thanksgiving? It’s a good day to take a long walk, to watch the parade and to watch the dog show. It is a great day to go to a movie, or even two. Make a plan to see someone, anyone, at some point during the day so you are not 100% isolated.
Christmas Eve and Christmas are big family days, of course, and I know that I used to dread waking up on Christmas morning alone. But, I also don’t like it when my adult children leave to move on to other family celebrations that don’t include me. So, when I can, I take the afternoon-evening shift so when they get there they are all mine for the rest of the day. I go to church if I am alone on Christmas Eve because it takes my mind off myself for a while and puts the joy back in the holiday. That’s just me. You can choose to do anything you want, but Christmas Eve always feels like a more sacred, joyous time, and you might want to enjoy that feeling, whether you are alone or not, whether you are Christian or not. It is my favorite night of the year. On Christmas, I can get through anything when I know I have something to look forward to.
Now, for New Year’s Eve; is there any more hated holiday? I hated it when I was young and single, I hated it when I was married and I hate it now that I am old and single. It feels to me like a time to celebrate how painfully aware I am of how fast time goes by! I am happy to see the dawn of January 1st so I can say goodbye to New Year’s Eve. So, I am always proactive for New Year’s Eve because it is not an evening that I want to leave to chance. I have invited friends for a dinner party. I have gone to a comedy club for some fun. And, this year I have planned to go to an Inn for a couple of days to do absolutely nothing! But, the key to getting through it is to do more than get through it: it is to create your own fun. Make it happen!
So, I want you to sit down right now and plan your next six weeks: plan for parties or the lack thereof. Plan for the actual holidays and your possible lonely times. And, plan for the fun, the moments that make the holidays happy and joyful and full of love. Make the most of this time by preparing for the worst and enjoying the best the holidays can offer.
Happy Holidays!
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Hand-off the holidays now! Because, I know that most of us remember the days when the holidays meant thousands of tasks that had to be completed by the December holiday, whatever holiday you celebrate. Cookies, parties, gifts; and that was just for the kids and school. Then family packages sent by the last date possible to make sure they arrived. Buying, wrapping and hiding what seemed like hundreds of gifts, only to forget where they were hidden when the time came to open them (please tell me I am not the only one). There were so many people in my life back then, so many more than I think I have in my life now. Having young children increased the number of people in my life by about 50 per child it seemed. I remember feeling like there were not enough hours in the day, then when I finished that day, there weren’t enough in the next day, until Christmas. I also remember singing in the church choir on Christmas Eve, getting home at about 1 a.m., filling the stockings and crashing. I would get up with the kids and do all of the opening on Christmas morning, then I fell asleep for about 3 hours. Just dead. Every Christmas. Crazy!
Enjoy Watching Others Do It All!
So, as I think about all that uproar, and I am over sixty and single, I think about how much I really get to enjoy every minute of the month ahead. Sure, there is plenty of gift giving and plenty of parties, but the pressure is off. I am not the head elf anymore and I gladly give up that title and hand-off the holidays. I watch it all unfold in front of me and I love being a spectator. I have passed the baton and get to watch my adult children take over. It’s heartwarming for me when they ask what church service we are going to attend (since they don’t have to go anymore) and to know that some things “stuck” with them.
And, I get excited to see what they have for me, not because I care what the gift is, but because it gives me a glimpse of who my children see me as, who they think I am and what they think I will like. A window into our relationship.
So, enjoy every minute of not being the top dog this holiday season. Enjoy the fact that you did it for all those years and now have successfully handed the reigns off to children or nieces and nephews or grandchildren. And, just watch all the seeds you planted for years grow before your eyes. Now, that, to me, is what the season is all about.
Read MoreI live in a one-room apartment. It’s a loft with concrete floors and brick walls and I absolutely love it. But when it comes to storage, there isn’t any. When I left my husband I left behind a pretty big house with a big, remodeled kitchen. I entertained a good amount and had lots of dishes and serving pieces that I brought out just for special occasions. While I still love to entertain, those days are over.
I am not complaining. Moving to a smaller space has freed me up from all of that stuff, and I could write a self-help book about that freedom! Everything worth having now has to do double or triple duty. And, my go-to accessory is a great mirror. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money (the one in the photos here is from T.J. Maxx).
My Ottoman
I use a mirror on an ottoman in my “living room” to put it to work as a hard surface (the ottoman unfolds into a single bed for the times all of my kids are in town). The mirror makes it a perfect coffee table.
My Holiday Decor
I found some really pretty glass balls in a blush color last week at Lowe’s on sale and put them on the mirrored coffee table and I have an instant holiday display that looks beautiful.
My Serving Tray
As a nibbling station for a holiday party, I used my handy-dandy mirror and piled it high with different colors of grapes, lots of cheeses, figs, crackers, olives, and other fruit. I used cake stands to create some height. It was a big hit.
Anytime I use mirrors as serving pieces, or just as my coffee table, I make sure to put several candles on top. Candles on the mirror are so sparkly and warm.
The mirror that you see here has a mirrored “frame” that I think works well, but you can find one that suits you. Try this at home and you will figure out all kinds of ways to use your mirror. When you aren’t using it for anything else, you can hang it up and look at your reflection in it while you pat yourself on the back!
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