single
Hey Girlie, it’s been a rough few months and weeks, hasn’t it? If you haven’t been touched personally by illness or unrest, you’re lucky. I’m lucky. And, I don’t know one woman who hasn’t used the time to re-evaluate a portion of her life. Money is an issue. Health is an issue. Safety is an issue. Everything is serious. So, I want you to take a breath and do you this week.
What do I mean by that? Anything! Do something for yourself this week. And, I don’t mean cut back on sugar. I mean do something this week that is frivolous and fun and only for you. That can be as small as buying a new mascara. It can be tacking on the extra mile on your daily walk. It can be having ice cream. Or break out a pair of heels that you haven’t had an occasion to wear and, well, wear them anywhere, even if it’s around the house.
Just do you this week, whatever that means for. Everyone needs a little attention and we single women who have been on lockdown may not have had enough of that lately. We’ve probably spent more time alone than some of our friends. We may not have had someone to tell us that the banana bread is great, or thanks for cleaning up the kitchen today. Not complaining, just a fact. So, it’s time for a little self-attention.
Make sure to make it as unimportant as possible. Kind of a self-pampering brain vacation. I want my Starting Over at Sixty girls to feel some relief from life this week. You would laugh if you heard what I am going to do (OK, I’ll tell you, I am going to wear a pair of false eyelashes this week. I know that sounds crazy, but I used to wear them every day and I found a pair in a drawer and thought I should give them a try for fun). That’s it. Nothing costly or wild. Just fun.
So, do you this week ladies. Have some fun. Don’t worry, the world will still be here if you have a moment of joy.
Read MoreIf there is one thing I’ve learned from the pandemic lockdown, it’s that I missed my social life. I had no idea how much I loved being around people until that piece of my life was taken away. After a couple of months, though, I had learned a valuable lesson, one that I intend to hold on to for a long time. That lesson? I learned to enjoy my own company. Were you able to enjoy your own company?
I had to, right? I’m my own roommate! The first couple of weeks were tough. I was so used to getting up at the crack and going going going until evening, and when the lockdown came it was a sudden stop on that train. Nothing. But slowly, I started relearning how to spend time with myself. I stopped racing. The calendar was clear. My day was an empty canvas. I could fill it with whatever I wanted, as long as it was an at-home activity for one. I picked up some old hobbies that I hadn’t had time for. I read. I watched TV. I listened to Podcasts.
Now, I’m worried that I have come to like being alone too much! I am finding so much joy in my new/old hobbies. I’m not up at 6:00 a.m. Make-up? What’s that? Heels? You must be joking!
And, my place used to look like no one lived there: I got up, got dressed and headed out the door. When I came home I headed right upstairs and peeled off my clothes and hopped into bed. Now, it looks like someone lives there. It looks like a home because it is a home. Someone does live there, me. It is comfy and cozy and just mine. I am happy there.
I hope we never have to be locked down again, but if we do, I know I will be more mentally and emotionally prepared. And, I want to make sure that I continue to have time at home, just with me. I have learned to enjoy my own company.
How did you enjoy your time during the lockdown? What did you learn about yourself?
Read MoreOne night about four years ago I was absolutely miserable. That’s it, just pure misery from head to toe. I had left my husband after more than 30 years of marriage, it was below zero outside and I was as lonely as I could be. I sat on my sofa and just started typing about those feelings and as I did, the words came pouring out of my fingertips. That really is how it felt. That’s how Starting OVer at Sixty was born.
Since that time I have loved writing about what being single and over sixty is like for me; the good, the bad and the ugly. Some of my posts have been written from the edge, for sure, and some have been offered with great enthusiasm. Sometimes the world has been my oyster and other times I was sure the sky was falling: many of you were right there with me from the comments.
Since that time my life has changed a hundred times: good, bad, good, sideways, bad, backward, good, bad and back to neutral. Sound familiar? When I write to you I always try to be open and honest. I want you to feel like you’re listening to a friend when you read Starting Over at Sixty.
Recently a friend let me know that she went back to the beginning of Starting Over at Sixty and read forward: she commented on how she felt like it reflected where I was then and where I am now and the evolution that it represents. Yay for that!
So, no matter where you are as a single woman over sixty, I hope you get encouragement from the site. Go back and “find” yourself in the archives: chances are if you’re feeling it, you will find a post about it.
Thank You!
And, thank you. Thank you for following Starting Over at Sixty over these last four years. You will continue to read about the highs and lows of being single in this phase of life, and again, the good and the bad. There is so much for us to look forward to and so much yet to discover so let’s do it together!
As always, please let me know if there is something you would like to see in Starting Over at Sixty. I want you to feel like this is home, a place to find community. I may be the creator of the site, but you are where the communication occurs.
Stay safe and stay healthy!
Read MoreRepost from 4/29/2020
I spoke to a group of women several months ago about confidence. The group was composed of women over fifty, some single and some not. About halfway through the discussion, I realized that my talk was not resonating with the whole group. It was falling flat. I could see some faces glazing over, and I learned a valuable lesson that night.
When I speak with other single women about confidence, they are all ears. We single women 50+ know that confidence can often be lacking in our lives. But, I think it’s not as critical for our married counterparts. Hmm.
There are lots of reasons for a lack of confidence that we share with our married sisters: our parts are all starting to break down a little and we all sometimes feel invisible. But, when I became single after 32 years of marriage, I realized that there was one confidence buster that I didn’t even know existed. Entering every room alone. That’s it for me. 100% of the time entering the room alone.
Seems silly doesn’t it. But it’s true and it’s there always. I’m not talking about grocery stores and gyms, of course. I know how to do that. But here is a shortlist of the places that I might walk into alone often: church, weddings, restaurants, funerals, movies, sporting events (well not really), concerts, graduations. Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone. And that can easily eat away at confidence.
Close your eyes and think about yourself when you were a young woman for a minute. Remember when you felt like you owned the room? Like you were vital to what was happening? Like everyone would want you to sit with them? I try to muster up that feeling sometimes now to fool myself into confidence.
The most important trick you can use as you spend your life walking into everywhere alone is planning. I know you hear me talk about planning all the time, but it really helps settle your nerves if you are heading into uncharted territory (let’s say you are fearful that you will run into your former husband at a graduation party).
Make a Plan
Make a plan to meet a friend or colleague at your destination. Ask a friend to save you a seat and try to get there after you think she will have arrived. It gives you someone to look for rather than having a deer-in-the-headlights expression on your face.
Walk With Purpose
When I am going into a crowded restaurant or bar and I feel a little uncomfortable about it, I just head in like I am the most important person in the room. Head held high, walking with a purpose, looking like I know right where I’m going, even if I head right to the Ladies Room. I put on my “I am so important and busy,” posture and no one is the wiser. I might be scared to death but if I walk with purpose I don’t look it.
Laugh at Your Phone
For so many reasons our cell phone is our friend, but never so much so as when we need to look very busy or very important or very popular. I will admit that I have, on more than one occasion, looked at my texts and laughed out loud at absolutely nothing, just to appear that I am very much in demand. I hope I fool at least one person.
What are your tricks to looking confident when you are not? We can all learn from each other and grow more confident. I can’t wait to hear from you.
Read MoreThe holidays are here: yippee! But, holidays can present tough times for single women. We are surrounded by images of family and joy and the wonder of the season. Visions of people opening gifts, sharing meals and hugging loved ones are all over the tube. Many of us, as single women over fifty, may be feeling left out. I sometimes feel like my chair at the table is an addition: it used to be my table. Well, all of those feelings are valid and all may be true. But, if you let yourself crumble under the weight of those negative feelings, if you let them take over, you’re sunk.
Let’s not let that happen. Right here we are going to kick loneliness and sadness during the holidays to the curb. Let’s get started.
- Plan, plan, plan: Planning is everything when you are trying to eliminate loneliness any time, but especially during the holidays. Take a look ahead and pinpoint those times that are going to be dicey. That might be New Year’s Eve, Christmas morning, Christmas Eve: a time when you will be alone and missing loved ones or those who have passed or those who are far away. For me, that is always the time when my adult children are with their father, family time that no longer includes me. I hate it and I make sure to have plans for that time so I am not sitting at home being a sadsack. I go to a movie, get together with friends or get busy cooking for my family time.
- Volunteer: So many people receive volunteer services all year long and those volunteers need a break during the holidays. You can fill in. Nothing uplifts your spirits more than helping others. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than helping others. Nothing fills your heart with joy more than helping others. There are endless opportunities for volunteerism year-round and, of course, during the holidays.
- Invite friends to your place: I have no doubt that you have friends who have “gaps” in their holiday celebrations. Invite them to your home for a cocktail or coffee and dessert. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but there are others who would love an invite and that can come from you. You will feel great getting to share your home with others and they will greatly appreciate it. They are part of your extended “family.”
- Say yes to invitations: We often say no to invitations because we are too tired or overloaded during the holidays. Stop that! You can rest in January. Take advantage of every opportunity to be with others over these next few weeks. This is the time to be social and connected in order to stave off loneliness.
- Invite yourself: That sounds crazy, right? Far from it! Don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t be too proud, be proactive. You will find that others are happy for you to join them.
Now, I don’t know anyone who likes New Year’s Eve. Not one person. For me, it always feels melancholy. And it may be. But, whatever you do, spend it doing something you love, whether you are alone or with friends or family. Be in a place, mindfully, of peace, whatever that looks like for you, as you welcome the new year with anticipation.
Happy Holidays!
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